I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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