Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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