OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
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If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
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