You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
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Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
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I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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