I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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