I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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