Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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