You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
