worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We had sex on a dog bed..
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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