You really coming over, don't trick.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
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At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
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exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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