not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize