so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday