I wannas sexs uuuuu
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
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We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
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Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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