I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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