there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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