so that wasnt chicken after all
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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