my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
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still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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