Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
handjob tips. give me some.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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