why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
