I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i think my mom watched the whole time
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize