your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
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I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
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I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.