Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing