The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.