I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
