i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
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She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
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I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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