You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize