i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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