I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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