that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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