they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
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Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
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Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize