I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
