ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.