Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.