Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.