You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you