On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.