drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize