4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize