I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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