she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off