I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
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There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
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Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.