can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?