Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york

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(631): peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york http://tfl.nu/xd1t

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(512): View more from Texas

i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy

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(512): i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy http://tfl.nu/sv21

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(216): View more from Ohio

I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.

(1-216): View more from Ohio

It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.

(216): View more from Ohio

He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.

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(216): I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself. (1-216): It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you. (216): He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry. http://tfl.nu/dfyj

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(248): View more from Michigan

I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm

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(248): I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm http://tfl.nu/t2ln

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(904): View more from Florida

now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.

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(904): now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis. http://tfl.nu/g1kt

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(330): View more from Ohio

i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.

(614): View more from Ohio

My vagina agrees.

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(330): i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again. (614): My vagina agrees. http://tfl.nu/ii41

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(731): View more from Tennessee

I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.

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(731): I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one. http://tfl.nu/nuy4

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(507): View more from Minnesota

Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs

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(507): Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs http://tfl.nu/tz12

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(916): View more from California

The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.

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(916): The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino. http://tfl.nu/qmu0

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(207): View more from Maine

HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.

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(207): HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health. http://tfl.nu/zxtp

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(541): View more from Oregon

But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.

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(541): But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying. http://tfl.nu/1lth

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(254): View more from Texas

I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.

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(254): I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits. http://tfl.nu/syex

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.

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(617): The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout. http://tfl.nu/l6bu

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.

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(570): A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5. http://tfl.nu/uyai

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(956): View more from Texas

So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.

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(956): So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom. http://tfl.nu/5pcj

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