Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.