We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We need to rekindle our bromance
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.