jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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