the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
