sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
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he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
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If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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