happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
