my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...