Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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