Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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