i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
