you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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