theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
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I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
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Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist