wakey wakey hands off snakey
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.