I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?