i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
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Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
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Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude