so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
