I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
