the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
