PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
