I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Someone came in the potted fern
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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