dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
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do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
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And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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