Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize